Kansas State soccer posts first win, football revs engines

About a half-hour ago your benevolent despot swore he would not engage in adulting today, and he meant it. So you’re not getting an adult Slate today, BUDDY.

Football

Double-ought previewed the linebacking corps yesterday, and you should probably cover your eyes. BECAUSE IT’S SCARY.

Kellis Robinett checks in on Jesse Ertz as the senior prepares for what could be a huge season. BECAUSE HE’S AWESOME.

Kellis also previews the season as a whole, picking the Cats to go 9-3 and lose at Texas. BECAUSE HE’S A POOPYHEAD.

(not really, Kellis.)

You’ll get to see what could have been with Jonathan Banks, as the Star’s Pete Grathoff reports that Last Chance U will be moving to Independence Community College this year, i.e., next TV season. BECAUSE KANSAS JUCOS ARE COOL.

Our last bit at the Star is from Tod Palmer, who reports on Mizzou stuff, and we’re sharing it because Kaleb Prewitt is mentioned, and BECAUSE HE’LL PROBABLY START AT OLB THIS SEASON.

Via the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, the AP’s Ralph Russo offers his 6 bold predictions for 2017, including conference champions. Why do we care? BECAUSE HE PICKED K-STATE TO WIN THE BIG 12 CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (and grab a date with Washington in the Fiesta Bowl).

Kevin Sherrington of the Dallas Morning News had a preseason Q&A session, and he says the Big 12 doesn’t need to expand, it just needs its five big guns to play better. Yes, five. Not two. Five. BECAUSE HE GETS THAT K-STATE IS IMPORTANT.

Now, this is interesting. FiveThirtyEight examined the question of who really overachieves based on their recruiting prowess, and while it will not surprise anyone that K-State is the 14th-ranked FBS team and 4th-ranked Power Five team on the list, what will surprise you is who the top team in both the Power Five and Big 12 is: Oklahoma. Wait, Oklahoma? Yeah, BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE.

CBS Sports, in a staff roundtable, decreed K-State the most underrated team in the Big 12. This despite Chip Patterson proclaiming K-State the most overrated team in the Big 12, BECAUSE HE’S A HATIN’ LONGHORN APOLOGIST.

(Also, Dennis Dodd predicts Bill Snyder will step down before conference play, and Barrett Sallee predicts K-State/Oklahoma State will be the biggest game in the conference this year... twice.)

Finally, our pals over at Cowboys Ride for Free are previewing the Pokes’ schedule. Tyler Wiederhoeft previews K-State, and picks Oklahoma State to win by 15 BECAUSE HE’S A STINKIN’ HOMER.

Soccer

Haley Sutter found the net in the seventh minute on a rebound following a Hannah Davis corner and a long shot by Laramie Hall, and the Wildcats clung to that lead for 83 minutes to secure their first win of the season, a 1-0 decision over Oral Roberts in Tulsa. That was a game your benevolent despot could easily have attended, but couldn’t BECAUSE HE WAS BEING A FREAKIN’ ADULT AND HAD TO WORK AT HIS REAL JOB WHY DO I EVEN HAVE A REAL JOB IT’S TIME FOR A FREAKIN’ PATREON.