First up, this Monday night, are the Washington Commanders, who are 4-5, which is the best thing anyone can say about them. At the moment, the Commanders are subjects of a criminal investigation by the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the Eastern District of Virginia for allegedly engaging in deceptive business practices. Those crooked practices presumably included any occasion that a team employee publicly referred to the Commanders as a "competent NFL franchise" or a "lovely and enlightened place to work." The revelation of the investigation came on the heels of a major investigative piece by ESPN reaffirming that the team’s owner, Daniel Snyder, might actually be the end result of a computer-reanimation experiment that combined the genes and personalities of Donald Trump, George Costanza, and Matt Lauer into a single sentient being: a paranoid, power-mad, skirt-peeking creep.