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Week Two “Injury” Report: Kansas State vs FAU

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Bring on the Cats takes a unique look at the injury report for the K-State/FAU game.

Beer Tasting - Oktoberfest 2016
Don’t expect Stadium Beer to see the field in 2016.
Photo by Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

Since Bill Snyder keeps his injured player reports in a more secure place than Fort Knox, and because FAU only has one real injury that we know of (OL Kelly Parfitt) we decided to have a little fun with this week’s report.

Kansas State “Injuries”

  • Tight-End Passes (Senior, OL)- Questionable

Even though there are reports of Kansas State using Tight-End more this season, little evidence has surfaced of this actually happening. We’ll believe Passes will play this season once we see it on the field.

  • Fans’ Hair (RS Senior, WR)- Out

We expect Fans’ Hair to miss most if not all of this game, especially if a certain turnover-prone QB makes an appearance. It’s been a very long time since Hair made it through a season unscathed and we don’t expect that to change this year.

  • Short-Side Option (Junior, FB)-Likely

Also know by his full formal name, Short-Side Option For No Gain is a popular player with the Kansas State coaching staff. Always playing more often than he probably should, Short Side always seems to come up just a little... short.

  • Time Out (Sophomore, QB)- Cleared for Action

Time Out is another player who you’d like to see saved for crunch time, but always seems to make an unnecessary appearance early in the first quarter. Unfortunately for fans, TO is a strong bet to once again appear early more than once.

  • Ill-Advised Toss (True Freshman, QB)- Medically Cleared

Toss likes to enter the game at the least opportune time, usually right as a receiver is blanketed by triple coverage. After getting mugged the last time out by Stanford’s corners, Toss has been medically cleared by the doctors to play against FAU. The coaches are likely to ease him back, so while he might not have an impact this week we’re fairly certain he’ll make his presence felt during the West Virginia game in a few weeks.

  • Stadium Beer (6th Year Senior, DL)- Out for the Season

Unfortunately for Wildcat fans trying to cope with the play of Option, Time Out, and Toss, highly touted recruit Stadium Beer has once again been sidelined for the season due to an unforeseen injury. Some fans are speculating he could have an impact on next season’s Spring Game, but most realize it’s unlikely Beer will ever see the playing field at Kansas State. It’s unfortunate his injuries have overshadowed his talent, as Kansas State could really use his spectacular play abilities throughout the season.

Florida Atlantic University “Injuries”

  • Schnelly (True Freshman, LB)-Questionable

This one named player is named after former FAU head coach Howard Schnellenberger. Typically Schnelly likes to dress as his namesake and when hurt is usually seen in the student section trying to blend in with the crowd. With his most recent injury expect Schnelly to show up somewhere around the Kansas State Student Section, though he is doubtful to travel with the team.

  • Conference Realignment (RS Freshman, QB)-Out

Realignment made some noise during the recruiting period, but after being spurned by all the major power 5 teams, it was forced to settle at FAU. Even though the Owls took a flyer on Realignment it doesn’t appear he will ever show the promise he once did in high school.

  • Snyder Cupcake (25th (?) Year Senior, OL)-Probable

Cupcake is a fairly reliable player who seems to have gotten around the NCAA transfer rules, because he shows up at all the lower FBS and FCS schools whenever one of them plays Kansas State. Maybe legendary head coach Bill Snyder doesn’t like sharing a name with a person whose last name is cupcake, but you can be sure if Cupcake is on the roster Bill Snyder will seek him out, and try to destroy him every year.