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World Cup 2014: Germany annihilates Brazil; worst defeat in Brazilian history

Well. That was certainly something to behold.

He's not the best player in World Cup history, but he's now the greatest goal scorer.
He's not the best player in World Cup history, but he's now the greatest goal scorer.
Robert Cianflone

SB Nation's 2014 World Cup Bracket'


Oscar 90'
Müller 11'
Klose 23'
Kroos 24'
Kroos 26'
Khedira 29'
Schürrle 69'
Schürrle 79'


If you'd seen Thiago Silva disguised in the back of a cab at 3:15pm Central Time, speeding frantically toward Aeroporto Internacional Tancredo Neves with passport in hand, it couldn't have been less surprising. Neymar's injury was the talking point, but it was the absence of Thiago Silva which bit Brazil early.

Eleven minutes in, Dante, pressed into service due to Silva's second yellow card against Colombia, failed to properly mark Thomas Müller on a corner from Toni Kroos. Müller volleyed off the bounce and blasted a shot past Julio Cesar, and Die Mannschaft had an early lead. Shortly after, a fight very nearly broke out in Germany's penalty area, earning Marcelo and Jérôme Boateng a stern talking to by the Mexican referee Marco Rodriguez after Marcelo took issue with a tackle by Philipp Lahm and Boateng intervenes, but no cards were issued. Marcelo's complaint was meritless; Lahm's challenge had been perfect. Eleven minutes later, lightning struck. Miroslav Klose, taking a pass from Kroos at the top of the penalty area, fired a shot which Julio Cesar blocked... right back to Klose, who buried it. And just two minutes later, Kroos himself extended the lead to 3-0 with a blast off a short pass from Müller, and a minute after that Kroos scored again, taking a rebound off a Sami Khedira effort. Three minutes later, it was Khedira himself off a backpass from Mesut Özil, and three minutes after that Kroos almost had the hattrick but hit the post. Only 29 minutes into the game and Brazil had already been dismantled and packed away for shipment.

Brazil managed to survive to halftime, at which point we were treated to the amusing spectacle of Mike Tirico and Alexi Lalas having to broadcast from the Men in Blazers shed because their main studio had lost power. This, of course, led to the obvious speculation: RIOTS IN THE STREETS, DISORDER AND CHAOS.

The second half began with a single-contestant diving competition, as Brazil seemed to find a way to fall down every time both a Brazilian player and the ball were in the penalty area. Brazil finally started getting some chances, but Manuel Neuer was up to the task. Twenty minutes in, Germany piled on again; Philipp Lahm skittered a short pass across goal to André Schürrle, and it was 6-0. Ten minutes later, it was 7-0; Schürrle charged forward at the top left corner of the area and sliced a brutal, unstoppable dagger right through Julio Cesar. And as the half lurched to an end, Steve McManaman's abject disgust with everything became more and more pronounced with every passing minute. With 30 seconds left, Özil almost made it 8-0; on the return, though, Brazil finally got on the scoreboard when Oscar took a long pass and beat Neuer one-on-one. As a sign of Germany's passion, Bastian Schweinsteiger spent the final minute of the game berating Özil for missing his shot; clearly the Germans were intent on running up the score, but who can blame them?

It was the worst defeat in the entire international soccer history of Brazil, one of the greatest soccer nations on the planet. The worst thing for Brazil? They have to play on Saturday for third place.

SB Nation's coverage of Brazil-Germany

Join us tomorrow to see who'll face Germany in the final. Will it be the Dutch or Argentina? We'll find out.