There isn't enough space in all the Internets to try and explain what just happened this past weekend in college football. It left pollsters in an impossible situation of trying to drop the top teams down, but not too far down because some middle teams also lost, and you can't move the bottom teams too far up because you know they aren't as good as the former top teams, even if the bottom movers have better records, and ...
Yeah, you get it.
Some of the carnage spilled into your favorite conference, and it's led to some pretty fascinating results for this week's power rankings. In short, we have a real-life game of Frogger going on, and the little purple sucker made it across the road in good fashion. Now, can it make it across the Big 12's choppy, animal-infested waters?
1. Baylor Bears (5-0, 2-0) -- This move to the top of the rankings was likely to happen at some point, I just didn't think it would be this early. I watched some Twitter people try and explain how -- on an off-day against one of the nation's best advanced statistical defenses -- Baylor shouldn't be given credit for defeating Texas 28-7 in Austin. Please. This team won on a weekend where many other top programs didn't. In the end, that's all that matters, and if you're able to look past the surface, the Bears again flexed some muscle, just not in usual fashion.
2. TCU Horned Frogs (4-0, 1-0) -- It's time to recognize. No, it wasn't the defensive battle we expected, but it isn't TCU's fault we didn't want to look at the offense's capabilities. It took on the Sooners and beat them at their own game, which made for one heck of a fight. Trevone Boykin is rolling in the Frogs' new offense, his coach can't put Casey Pachall in the game anymore, and the rest of the Big 12 has been officially put on notice after the first giant conference win for Gary Patterson's program.
3. Oklahoma Sooners (4-1, 1-1) -- It's always about this time of year, it seems, that OU suffers a loss that its fans don't believe should ever happen and allows them to start screaming about Bob Stoops. I think the year will bear out there's no shame in losing to TCU on the road, but that will provide no solace to the Sooners' most intense knuckleheads. Hey, knuckleheads, at least Katy Perry begged your quarterback to call her on national television. She's a great second prize since it's not likely, as it stands now at least, that OU takes a call from the Playoff Committee ... ooohhhh!
4. Kansas State Wildcats (4-1, 2-0) -- It's not often that you manhandle a conference opponent and drop a spot in the power rankings, but while KSU's win in Manhattan against Texas Tech was impressive, it was also expected and didn't have the cachet of TCU's victory. In the game, Jake Waters had five total TDs, and the defense picked off Davis Webb four times -- a stellar team performance heading into a bye before traveling to Norman Oct. 18. Hand the Sooners another conference loss, and these rankings things will clear up themselves.
5. Oklahoma State Cowboys (4-1, 2-0) -- OSU wound up covering in its game against Iowa St., but, man, it took a long time for Mike Gundy's group to wake up for the early game. If ISU was any good at all, the 'Pokes may have had their hands full, but as it turned out, nearly every break went to the home team and led to a reasonably comfortable win. Next up: Big 12 win No. 3 in Lawrence.
6. West Virginia Mountaineers (3-2, 1-1) -- WVU led 26-0 at halftime against Kansas and spent the rest of the game ruining its stats as it took shot after shot, unsuccessfully, down the field in the second-half practice. Clint Trickett still threw for 302 yards, Kevin White had 6 catches for 132 yards and a TD, and Mario Alford averaged 20 yards per catch on 4 catches. For those who went to the game and then drove around Morgantown all "G" celebrating an easy win, it was a good day. Time to take those good feelings to Lubbock.
7. Texas Longhorns (2-3, 1-1) -- It's been a bit, but there is some legit sunshine for the Longhorns. The defense is grading out among the nation's best, and it gave Bryce Petty serious problems to the point that Baylor had to rely on its own defense and special teams to grind out what became a convincing win. If the offense doesn't improve, wins will be few and far between this year for Charlie Strong, but Texas could cause some big problems for the middle teams in the Big 12 if those teams aren't careful.
8. Texas Tech Red Raiders (2-3, 0-2) -- The Red Raiders may not play great football, but they maintain their unshakable conference lead on undeserved swag, cool sunglasses and hair. Ain't nobody stealing that, and if that's good enough for Tech athletics director
Jerry Jones Jr. Kirby Hocutt, who has to know his football program is 3-8 since starting last year 7-0, then it's good enough for you. This week's contest versus West Virginia should be entertaining if anything else, and it appears that might be about all that really matters in Lubbock.
9. Iowa St. Cyclones (1-4, 0-3) -- The Cyclones got under my skin a bit with the "woe is me," "the Big 12 cheats," card they played following the loss in Stillwater. They have always been the easy-to-cheer-for little engine that could, and most folks have appreciated the extreme hill climb that annually faces Paul Rhoads and company. There have been a lot of losses, but ISU has always seemed to handle its situation with endearing dignity and earned respect because of it. Don't mess with that, Jamie Pollard, even if you're starting to feel desperate. Nobody likes a sore loser, and you need all the support you can get.
10. Cuitlocoche (+100000 on the nasty scale) -- I'll just let the good folks at The Sneeze sum up infected corn from the annals of their excellent "Steve, don't eat it!" series: "Don't worry, I checked the ingredients before I tasted it. 'Smoker's lung' was not on there. Before I got the whole can open, I detected a vague aroma of sweet corn, along with what I can only describe as a deep musky funk. Put 'em together, and it smells like corn that forgot to wipe."
Yep, an aroma that strong is good enough to beat Kansas.
11. Broken Josh Hamilton (0-13 in ALDS vs. the Kansas City Royals) -- Hamilton used to be a good player. Now, he is not. The once-feared hitter is the embodiment of "Coming down is a real *****," and it was painful to watch a swing once capable of smashing a baseball 549 feet be reduced to hot garbage. Still, it's a safe bet that broken Hamilton can still produce more offense than the ...
12. Kansas Jayhawks (2-3, 0-2) -- In a perfect case of "awww, you shouldn't have ..." the team wanted to do something nice for interim head coach Clint Bowen's first game, so they all chipped in and came up with a thoughtful gift basket of: 176 total yards, 14 punts, nine first downs, 3-of-17 on 3rd downs and 101 yards in penalties. KU also averaged 1.9 yards per rush, including three ball carriers (Montell Cozart, Joe Dineen Jr., Mike Cummings) who had multiple carries and averaged less than a yard. There's no telling how far down the derp depths go with this team.