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Q&A with Bye

I got the chance to sit down with Saturday's opponent, Bye, for what I hope was an entertaining and insightful interview.

Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

It's that time of the week (or actually, slightly past it) where we normally like to try to provide you with some insight from our upcoming opponents. The anticipation is building, but generally we haven't all yet reached the point where we can't show a little civility on the outside.

I figured it would be impossible to do on a bye week for obvious reasons, but it turns out our own Jon Morse's connections in the college football world expand to all entities at all levels, whether real or imaginary. Idle refused an interview because they're kind of elitist, but Bye was kind enough to sit down with me for a brief Q&A.

AA: First of all, it's possible I should thank you for last weekend. OU and Landry Jones were certainly not at their best. Do you think they were still feeling some of the effects of playing you the week before?

Bye: It's funny you should ask that. I mean, sure, we like to win games and play well and all that, but really what we look at even more than our results is how teams fare after they have us on the schedule. It's hard to explain, but somehow it just seems more real, more tangible. I don't know.

Anyway, with Oklahoma we really felt Bob Stoops wasn't taking us seriously. He gave his players some breaks and then just took for granted they would lay down another beating after smoking us, like they do most of the time. So were they still unfocused against you guys because of that? I don't know, man.

Either way, though, it was really gratifying to see you guys put them in their place. I'm really hoping that games like this will mean less idiotic emails from OU fans who feel like they're entitled to play in a national championship every five to ten years.

We have to play OU again this weekend, so then if they could go lose in Lubbock next Saturday, well, that would be something special. I'd probably cry tears of joy while Bobby stomped on his visor on the sideline.

AA: Is there any chance you'll be able to have that affect on K-State?

Bye: Honestly? I don't see it happening. Just look at Bill Snyder. He isn't messing around this week and that dude's focus, wow, it's scary. So no, I don't see any complacency coming from that team.

It's lucky, though, because we've also got Kansas on the schedule this week, so not only do we have a shot at a win tomorrow, but we can't lose in the Sunflower Showdown next week. Does it feel a little cheap? I guess. But we'll take it.

Speaking of Kansas, we have a special relationship with them. A lot of people don't know this, but Mark Mangino was our coach the last two years. He did really well, especially since we don't really have any policies governing practices or anything, but we had to let him go because we simply couldn't afford that much food in this economy.

AA: Sorry to hear that. Who's your coach now?

Bye: Well, we actually got really lucky. Mangino really put us in the red so we waited a long time and were beginning to get desperate, but then at the last moment, Bobby Petrino fell right into our lap. Actually.....I could probably give him a call right now to talk to you, if you want.

AA: Sure.

Bye: OK, let's give it a try. (Picks up phone and dials number) Hey Bob-oh, you're still - OK, see you at the games tomorrow. (Sighs)

Wow, I really thought he'd be over that by now. Ever since Sunday he's just been watching the 3 Arkansas losses on repeat. Any time we call him, he just yells at us for clogging up the phone line because he's sure Jeff Long is going to call him and beg him to come back any minute now. I'm worried about Bobby. He probably just needs a long, solitary motorcycle ride to sort out his thoughts.

AA (feeling a bit awkward): Well, back to the game tomorrow. What are you most afraid of about K-State?

Bye: Besides that fat man with the mask that's always yelling at everybody? Well, Arthur Brown's pretty scary. He's kind of deceiving, actually. You see him with those glasses looking all professorial before the game and you think maybe he'll be a nice guy, but then suddenly he's coming at you fullspeed and - (shivers). It's terrifying, man.

And quite honestly, Bill Snyder scares me a little, too. I mean, I think if somebody asked him, he'd probably lie and say some crap like "Bye's a good football team." But then gameday comes around.

I'm not saying I believe in that wizard stuff, because it's a little ridiculous. And I know he's old, though that probably doesn't matter because there are probably about a million people who would be happy to kick anyone's ass if Bill Snyder asked them to.

But you know, just like everybody else, we've been in those games against K-State where they're better than us and things get ugly. You look over to the sideline and expect to see him smiling or something, but the most you ever get is like maybe a pat on the helmet. Not to mention that weird kid trailing him with the cord. It's all just kind of off-putting, you know?

Then after they've scored, it's right back to scheming how to continue completely destroying your spirit, though at least he eases off the gas. Pete Carroll beat us 98-0 once. You get no mercy from that guy. Asshole.

AA: What do you think about Collin Klein?

Bye: Man, I don't know if I should tell you this, but I've had dreams where Collin Klein is at a piano at the 20 yardline serenading me with only his left hand while he's throwing me touchdown passes. Then at the end of it, he's always giving me all the credit, even though I was pretty much just sitting in the endzone drooling the whole time.

It's weird, because with Tim Tebow I always felt like I was being pushed away from religion because he was so in-your-face about it. But if Collin Klein asked me to go to Church with him? No way I could say no to that. I hope I'm not offending Mrs. Klein.

Oh, and yeah, he's a really good football player, too. Just a freak runner and a much better passer this season, especially deep. We didn't even play with our safeties during our first game against K-State a year ago, and now they're scared as hell of Tramaine Thompson.

AA: Uh...OK. You want to make a prediction for the game and the rest of KSU's season?

Bye: I don't predict our games, since they don't count in the standings. Let's just say it won't be pretty. But the rest of K-State's season? I'm torn.

On the one hand, it's pretty much impossible to look at that Big 12 schedule and think that a team could get through that without a loss. But if you asked me to go one game at a time, I'd probably say K-State wins every one.

Iowa State is still Iowa State, WVU's defense isn't good enough, TCU doesn't have the depth or explosiveness, and I still don't believe in David Ash. That's just me, though. Maybe you guys have different ideas.