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"Ask A Pan" (Vol. 2)

Friends, Romans, Wildcats fans. I have come back to answer yet another round of questions from our beloved community and give you my best answers to their most pressing questions. As you noticed from our first volume, I treat this with as much seriousness as the question deserves. If you're interested in asking a question in the future, remember to use the #AskAPan hash tag via Twitter. I also have to use the necessary disclaimer so that I don't get angry emails from people saying that I upset their delicate sensibilities.

Beware...some of our readers use course language, therefore I respond in kind. So, consider this particular segment R-rated. Therefore, if you have delicate sensibilities, please refrain from reading the entire post from here on out. You've been warned.

So, grab yourself a nice, warm cup of cocoa, find yourself a cozy blanket, and prepare to enjoy another epidsode of...

Ah, hell. We need to get a graphics department. Just click the jump for more.

The first question this week comes from @roh_tweets:

I have to know. WTF is a panjandrum?

I'm shocked that this wasn't the first question last week.

The honest truth is that there was a stretch (only a few weeks...I swear) several years ago where I looked up's "Word of the Day" on a regular basis. One of those days, it was panjandrum. The definition of the word is, "A self-important or pretentious official." At the time, I was a regular poster on, and I needed a new screen name. Therefore, I felt there was a certain irony to the name given my generally outlandish opinions and inability to ever concede an argument.

There you have it. The history of the dumbest pen name on the Interwebs.

@Russ_Francis brings it strong for a second straight week:

What is the best way to express our fond farewells to the fighting farmers of Texas A&M and their service to the Big 12?

I've given this a lot of thought. Answer?

I think that pretty much says it all.

@ChrisPwildcat asks me the most difficult hypothetical question that I never even thought to ask myself:

Would you rather still have Ron Prince as our HC, or a guarantee that Sean will be our HC when HCBS leaves?

My first response would be, "Death, please." But, knowing that I can't use that response, I'd have to go with Prince.

I realize that response probably won't be the popular answer, but, really, when faced with the devil you know versus the devil you don't, I'll go with the one that I know.

Prince made some really stupid mistakes (JUCO heavy 2008 class, Tibs as his DC), and yes, he was a walking cliche, but the man was a pretty good offensive football coach. He recruited and developed a first round NFL draft pick at QB, and the current QB on our roster was his recruit as well. Daniel Thomas was originally a Prince commitment, and while other teams were looking at him on defense, Prince recruited him as a running back. He helped Jordy Nelson become a consensus All-American at Wide Receiver, turned a two-star recruit in Jeron Mastrud into an NFL Tight End, found a diamond in the rough in the unbelievably tiny Brandon Banks, and somehow found a way to snag Josh Moore away from Florida State back in 2006. The man wasn't bad at finding talent. He was just really bad at managing the roster. Over time, I think he would have probably would have figured it out. It's not like he was miles away from getting over the hump. He was 17-20. It's not like he had Turner Gill seasons.

Sean, on the other hand, can't even get the right number of players on the field without burning a timeout in a fucking punt formation. Also, to my knowledge, he's never coached prior to this year, and his only professional experience is at Kansas State university, therefore, he's had a very sheltered experience that isn't conducive to success.

Thanks, Chris. You've now made me defend Ron and choose him in a metaphorical game of, "Which spiked rod would you rather have jammed up your ass?"

@NobleRot brings us a bit of the Monty Python:

What is the air speed velocity of a coconut laden swallow?

I'm not 100% sure, but I am 110% an alternative correct answer is, "Faster when compared to the land speed velocity of a KU linebacker."

@WW_ksu asks:

Beer of choice around the guys?

Very good question. The answer is some sort of seasonal beer that I bring or whatever they brought to the party. In the summer, I like to go with a Mexican beer like Dos Equis Amber. Mainly, something tasteful that accentuates my fine, discriminating nature and makes me look like a gentleman and a scholar.

@WW_ksu astutely follows up with:

Beer of choice with no one around?

Colt 45 Mothafucka.