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"Ask a Pan" (Vol. 1)

As promised, I would answer questions submitted to me via my Twitter account (@PJ_BOTC) or e-mail, which can be found on the sidebar over to your left. Again, I'm hoping to make this a weekly thing, and I want to have some fun with this because we have a very entertaining community over here at Bring On the Cats, and I want us all to participate in this great sociological experiment together.

Some of the questions I will respond to seriously. Other questions I will respond to humorously. However you choose to interpret those answers is up to you, but in general, I need to throw out the following disclaimer:

Click the jump for the first of (hopefully) many "Ask a Pan" sessions. If you're interested in asking a question in the future, remember to use the #AskAPan hash tag. Make this easy on me people.

Beware...some of our readers use course language, therefore I respond in kind. So, consider this particular segment R-rated. Therefore, if you have delicate sensibilities, please refrain from reading the entire post from here on out. You've been warned.

Our first question comes from long-time reader, WillieWannabe (@WW_ksu):

What the fuck is this shit??

Great question, Willie. This shit that I am fucking is what I hope to become a weekly segment where I climb down from my ivory tower and answer the burning questions of the day using my sardonic wit and insightful commentary.

Also, it will give me a chance to post funny pictures and make many jokes at readers' expense.

So, from here on out...

Our next question comes from @Russ_Francis:

What question should I ask you first?

Great question, Russ. Thank you for using the proper hash tag. You all could learn a little something from Russ here.

As far as questions go, I'm generally capable of answering anything you throw out there. Home repairs, personal finance, love advice, my thoughts on KSU and non-KSU related sports...the answers will generally be wrong, but I'll do my best to answer each and every one of them.

If I were you, my first question would have been, "How could I come up with a more unique and clever Twitter handle?" But, of course, not everyone can steal their handle from a word of the day, but I suggest that as a good place to start if you're interested.

@Brettmorey1 was the first person to ask me a remotely serious question, so I'll give him a serious response in return:

What Bowl game do you see the cats going to

Great question, Brett. If I would have answered this pre-Oklahoma, I would have said that KSU would most likely go to the Cotton Bowl, but I'm feeling the Alamo at this point. The loss by A&M to Missouri helps immensely, but something tells me that if KSU, A&M and Texas are all hovering around 9-3 and 8-4, the Cotton will pick a Texas school. At this point, I just have a gut feeling that the winner of the UT/KSU game down in Austin in a few weeks will have the inside track to that game. However, if KSU can't pick up a win in the next three weeks, book some tickets to Arizona, because we'll be headed to the Insight Bowl.

Of course, I think we pick up at least one win, and 9-3 feels like an Alamo Bowl kind of year.

@WW_ksu comes back with a real question this time...

If you could cheer for 1 current Big 12 member(other than EMAW of course) which team would it be?

Good question with two responses. If we're counting TCU as a current member, I'm going with TCU. Gary Patterson is just a riot to listen to, and he'll be amazing when the lights start shining brighter in the Big 12. He's going to be great for sound bytes when he gets that tin foil hat tuned in.

If they don't count, I guess I'll go with Oklahoma State. I like the offense, they are financed by an, "I don't give a shit what I say," oil tycoon, and Mike Gundy and I both have the same haircut and a propensity for socially awkward rants that have nothing to do with the situation that instigated the outburst.

BOTC Author, @AhearnAlley posts this question for the community...

Do you ever think about leaving Neverland and coming back to grow up in the real world?

You know, AA, my wife usually asks me the same question on a daily basis. It's usually followed with, "Stop acting like a dumbass," and, "The neighbors can see you doing that through the windows, you know."

Long time reader and contributor @ChrisPwildcat sent me the next question:

Would the Big 12 adding Colorado State and Air Force be great or amazing? (Or amazingly great?)

Other than threatening to kick your ass if you asked me this question, I'll try to respond seriously and with a certain degree of thoughtfulness.

Air Force, while an amazing institution filled with brave men and women dedicated to serving their country, is not geared for athletics. And, if the Big 12 sponsored, "Bombing the shit out of people and bringing death from above," as a sport, they'd be my first choice. However, currently, the only school in the conference that offers that right now is Oklahoma State, and honestly, Brandon Weeden has more accuracy than most of their drones anyway, so I don't see why we need to duplicate that particular footprint.

As far as Colorado State is concerned, I'm not sure that it's even a real school. People keep talking about them like they exist, and I keep hearing that they're in the Mountain West, but I don't think I've seen a Colorado State game on television since 2002, and I have never in my life run into a graduate of that school. Therefore, I'm fairly convinced that Colorado State is a fictional university that was created for the purposes of a Rodney Dangerfield movie in need of a ski school backdrop.

So, in summation, Colorado State can lick Dan Beebe's taint, and Chris, if you ask me again, I'm going to shove a clarinet up your ass.

@JBlackInk hits me up with a personal question that I'll gladly respond to...

I've had like 4 good questions, but my wife follows me on twitter. Do you know the sex baby number two? You need a boy!

Great question. No, we do not know the sex of our second baby. My wife prefers surprise, and because she's baking the baby, she can make that decision.

And we don't care what the sex of the baby is. We already have an awesome baby boy that knows how to spike a Nerf football and throw up the touchdown sign, so either we have a brother for him to use as a tackling dummy or a sister's honor for him to defend with MMA-style fighting techniques. Either way, we're extremely excited for the newest addition to our family, thank you for asking.

@ChrisPwildcat hits me up with a follow-up question:

Why don't you just take questions from the Twitter-impaired in the comments section of a FanPost?

Valid point. Response: I'm too lazy to post one every week, and if users are interested in asking me questions, they can hit me up via the email response in the sidebar of the site. I get enough spam as it is, so posting my email even more seems like a bad idea.


Well, we got a thousand words out of this, so I think that's a good start. If you're interested in asking me more questions, feel free to do so for next week. And feel free to get crazy. I can get crazy right back.