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Scouts Cool on Rose Over Dietary Concerns

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New York City

June 25, 2008

For Immediate Release:

NBA scouts now have concerns about another potential No. 1 draft pick.

Hot on the heels of the well-documented "character issues" associated with Kansas State's Michael Beasley, scouts are now worried that Derrick Rose's dietary choices may render him a risky choice for teams at the top of the NBA Draft.

Rose has been known to miss press conferences because of a medical condition known as a "tummyache."

Apparently, the medical condition is usually self-inflicted. In this case, it appears that Rose ingests excessive quantities of foods such as "Gummy bears" and "sour candy" while foregoing such "foods" as "pasta."

"We all know how important health is to a professional athlete," said one NBA scout who requested anonymity.

Scouts say that despite Rose's incredible skill set, which includes rockets in his shoes and an uncanny ability to finish around the rim, future "tummyaches" could hurt his draft stock.

"If Rose can't demonstrate enough of a commitment to eat properly, I'm not sure I'd spend a high draft pick on him," said the same scout. Though other issues have swirled around Rose, scouts say they pale in comparison to the dietary concerns.

"We're not worried about the fight," said another NBA scout who, surprisingly, also request anonymity. "Fighting is a part of life. We like that he has a little fire in his belly. We're much more concerned about what he's putting into that belly, and if it's mostly Shock Tarts, then we have a problem."

"We just can't have professional athletes eating candy and signing their names on inanimate objects. Give me a player like O.J. Mayo, who comes to the NBA without any of the problems that plague Beasley and Rose."