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Big 12 Baseball All-Name Team

It’s the silly season, so I’m going to follow up on my wildly popular Big 12 Men’s Basketball All-Hair Team by naming my Big 12 Baseball All-Name Team.  We would never try to poke fun at anyone here at BOTC, but in the interest of full disclosure, my last name is Burger.  Yeah, it’s spelled with a "u," just like a hamburger, and I’ve never heard that one before.  So I guess I’m on the Blogger All-Name team.  Anyway...

Conner Beer, K-State

We’ll start at home, but not because I’m being a homer.  The best name in the entire conference belongs to K-State’s freshman RHP.  I’m sure he’s as tired of "skunky beer" jokes as I am of Hamm-Burger jokes, although marrying Mia Hamm would make for an awesome Jay Leno wedding submission on "Headlines" (just kidding honey!).

Brian Heere, KU

No offense to Brian, but if not for Conner Beer in the Big 12, I’m not sure the redshirt freshman OF makes this team.  But put the two together, and in the interconference all-name-team showdown, I can just imagine the two sitting next to each other on the bench, providing an ingenious advertising campaign for an Aggieville or (*gag*) Mass Street bar.

Nick Czyz, KU

Hey, it’s at least arguable that his last name doesn’t have a vowel in it.  That’s pretty cool.

Beamer Weems, Baylor

This young man was named after a luxury car, even if his parents failed to notice the fact that it’s usually spelled "bimmer."  Oh well, they got it correct phonetically.  And how appropriate is it that a guy named after a luxury vehicle plays baseball for Baylor?  Oh, the irony.

Jeff Breedlove, Oklahoma State

Do I really need to explain this one?

Rebel Ridling, Oklahoma State

Again, this one should need no explanation, but let me point out that if your first name if "Rebel" you’d better not be some pansy-ass, sub-.200-hitting weakling.  You better jack some homers, dammit, and that’s exactly what Ridling does, with 10 on the year, fourth in the Big 12.

Kirkland Rivers, Texas A&M

When I hear this name, I think it must be referring to the newest subdivision in Johnson County, which is the cupcake-land suburbs of Kansas City for those who don’t know.  Alas, it’s the name of a Texas A&M LHP/OF.

Monk Kreder, Texas Tech

I really don’t have much comment on this one because just about anything I could say would be totally played out.  My only inquiry here is whether Monk is his real name, or if it’s some kind of nickname.

John Schnettgoecke, Texas Tech

If your last name’s consonants-to-vowels ratio is 9:4, you can be on my all-name team, too.  Too bad this guy didn’t come along about 50 years earlier, Ayn Rand might have used his name for the hero in one of her novels with that kind of ratio.

Honorary Coach: Augie Garrido, Texas

It really couldn’t be anyone else.  I probably have to credit Husker fans for this one, but how can you turn down the coach who’s rhyming nickname is "Soggy Burrito?"

There you have it.  Send hatemail to bringonthecats --at-- gmail --dot-- com