clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Early Edition: Sunday's College Football Headlines Today!

I received this strange newspaper on my front step this morning. I was thoroughly confused, because I canceled my subscription to the KC Star almost a year ago after Jason Whitlock wrote something negative about Michael Beasley and SpongeBob SquarePants. Suddenly, I realized this was no ordinary paper. This was the sports section from this upcoming Sunday paper. I was getting an early edition.

I couldn't believe my good fortune, and I knew I couldn't keep this to myself. So, being the considerate person I am, I just had to share this with my BOTC bretheren.

Lawrence, Kan. - The Kansas Jayhawks were unable to continue their consecutive win streak against the ultimately superior Kansas State Wildcats on Saturday, falling to their neighbors from Manhattan 42-14. The KU defense showed considerable holes throughout the contest giving up 576 passing yards to Wildcat quarterback Josh Freeman. 
     The Jayhawks came out flat and never seemed to get going as the team seemed especially distracted by the large amount of purple in the Memorial Stadium seats. Many students were seen walking around campus on the crisp autumn day, yet none seemed too interested in the rivalry contest being competed on their campus.
     "Well, I knew there was a football game today, but since we've already lost this season I didn't see the need to show up," stated one faithful KU student. "Actually, I think I knew a couple people who were going to the game, but they texted me to say they thought the tickets they bought were for a basketball game. Oh well. Do you know, did Mario Chalmers play?"
     When asked about his team's lackluster performance against their bitter rival, head coach Mark Mangino seemed to be as distracted as his team.
     "I gotta be honest with ya, fellas, I didn't have my head in this game at all" Mangino stated to the media after the game. "You see, we just found out this week that instead of a regular holiday bonus, Lew is going to be giving us a whole turkey. Something about making accomodations for Coach Self's new contract. Anyways, I think you can understand, my mind was elsewhere this whole week. I mean, I've got a lot of stuff to think about between now and Thanksgiving. Do you know how much work goes into preparing a whole turkey? Do I bake it, or do I deep fat fry it? Do I have it with dressing or maybe sprinkle a little gravy over the whole thing? These are serious issues I'm dealing with, so excuse me if I didn't take the time to think about a stupid football game....Hey, none of you guys happen to have a good honey glaze recipe, do you? I think I'm gonna trade the golf coach his holiday ham for my season basketball tickets."
     Others on the KU staff were not available for comment. 
     On a positive note, Jayhawk running back Jocques Crawford is now just mere steps away from his goal to reach 2,000 rushing yards for the season. The running back is now only 1,830 yards shy of the milestone after gaining 2 yards on Saturday.
     On the other side of the ball, everything seemed to click for Ron Prince's Wildcats. The only points surrendered by the K-State squad came off of two botched onside kick attempts late in the game.
     Many wondered why such trick plays were necessary with the games outcome already decided. Prince stated after the game that he was looking to catch KU napping and earn his team even more momentum they could hopefully carry into their game against Missouri next week.
     "I don't care if it's late in the game, or early in the game, you've got to be bold and daring all the time. It doesn't sleep, and therefore the other team shouldn't sleep. Bold and daring waits for no one. Plus, it's all just a part of what we're trying to do here."
     The K-State coach then ended the press conference on a quizzical note by declaring he was naming the Governor's Cup trophy the Wildcats' new middle linebacker. The trophy was not made available for comment.

In other news around the Big XII....

Lincoln, Neb. - The Oklahoma Sooners rolled to another conference victory by defeating the Nebraska Cornhuskers 59-7. OU coach Bob Stoops had this to say following the game.
     "Well, I feel pretty good about this game considering the circumstances. I mean, I totally forgot they still played football at Nebraska since Tom (Osborne) retired. I asked our AD on the plane ride up here where we were playing this weekend, and when he told me Lincoln, I was surprised as hell. I guess I shouldn't be too shocked, I didn't realize they were still playing football at KU until we played them a couple weeks ago."

Lubbock, Tex. - In what was deemed as the biggest game in the history of Texas Tech football, the Red Raiders prevailed over Mack Brown's Longhorns 24-21. Michael Crabtree hauled in 2 touchdown receptions and gained 200 yards receiving on the day and moved himself and Graham Harrell atop the Heisman Trophy frontrunners. However, the victory celebration was short lived for the Tech faithful, as many of the fans suddenly remembered there is actually no where to go for fun in Lubbock, Texas.