The National, 9/14/12: Five Bad Teams.

#55 there is Mike Lanaris, and he won Twitter last night. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

What It Was, Wasn't Football: There were five college football games last night, three of them televised. These three games involved, naturally, six teams. After watching parts of all three of them, we can now state with certainty that only one of them is any good at all. (Tennessee-Chattanooga thumped D-II Glenville State 35-0, and Tennessee-Martin beat Southeastern Louisiana 23-6, but they weren't on television and I cannot verify that none of those four teams is worth a hoot.)

In Tampa, Rutgers and South Florida engaged in a battle of narcotics. Bulls scored twice on free kicks from outside the penalty area in the first fifteen minutes, while Rutgers found the net just before halftime. Oh, wait... sorry about that. Had this been a soccer game, that would have been exciting. No, it was 6-3 at the half, and it was time to go find better entertainment. Of course, that meant missing the second half of the game, where things apparently happened (including Jawan Jamison pulling off a move I've never even managed to duplicate in a video game to score a 41-yard touchdown for Rutgers to ice the game 23-13 in the final two minutes), but Twitter assured me that the game continued to otherwise be an excellent display of incompetence. That's two bad teams.

(After the game, a USF season ticket holder whose account has now been deleted tweeted at Skip Holtz's dead twitter account, and to USF linebacker Mike Lanaris, telling them the entire team and coaching staff should go kill themselves. Lanaris proceeded to put him in his place perhaps better than any of the various other Tweeters (which may have included one guy who might be writing an article for BotC right now, maybe) who were tearing into the guy:

After the doofus replied back, telling Lanaris the entire team was a bunch of failures, Lanaris continued to win at Twitter:

And that, if you're a college athlete, is how you do it. Kill them with kindness (and just the exactly appropriate amount of subtle snark).

There wasn't much time spent on the Mississippi Valley State-Southern game, for good reason. MVSU, who two weeks ago lost to a team that isn't even an NAIA member, much less an NCAA member or an FCS team, managed to defeat Southern 6-0. Yes, this game was even worse than the main event of the night, which is saying something. That's four bad teams.

And then there was the opening game in the six-game Lone Star Football Festival this weekend at Cowboys Stadium, wherein Division II Lone Star Conference foes Midwestern State and Texas A&M-Commerce faced off. TAMU-Commerce is now coached by Guy Morriss, did you know that? You remember him. Doused with Gatorade by Jared Lorenzen just seconds before Kentucky lost to LSU on a hail mary? Beating the big Texas A&M by going for a two-point conversion in the first overtime rather than being safe and kicking the PAT to tie when he was at Baylor? Yeah, that guy. He walked the sidelines last night looking like a constipated llama as his Lions got destroyed by Midwestern State 63-14, and it should have been 63-7 (or worse) as one of TAMU-C's touchdowns was the result of the quarterback being sacked and rolling back to his feet and taking off while the defense wisely ignored him rather than getting flagged for tackling him again because, hello, he was down (as the replay clearly showed). The officials, however, never saw the very clear contact between knee and ground. It didn't matter, though, because Midwestern was already up 51-0 when this happened. So, we did have one good team playing last night. The other five stink.

I'm Reporting This Because I Am a Horrible Person: Everyone, say hello to the Atlantic High School Eagles of DelRay Beach, Florida.

Tonight: Mike Leach tries to get Washington State to score some points against UNLV, which means he'll likely succeed. There's also the usual handful of east coast D-II and D-III action, but Wazzu-UNLV is the only thing being aired.

Footbaw Saturday: Here's the television schedule for tomorrow, times Central.

  • 11:00am - California @ Ohio State - ABC
  • 11:00am - Wake Forest @ Florida State - ESPN
  • 11:00am - Virginia Tech @ Pittsburgh - ESPN2
  • 11:00am - Arkansas State @ Nebraska - ESPNU
  • 11:00am - TCU @ Kansas - FX
  • 11:00am - William & Mary @ Towson - NBC Sports
  • 11:00am - Eastern Michigan @ Purdue - BTN
  • 11:00am - Charleston Southern @ Illinois - BTNa
  • 11:00am - Western Michigan @ Minnesota - BTNb
  • 11:00am - Northern Illinois @ Army - CBS Sports
  • 11:00am - Louisiana-Monroe @ Auburn - MSG/Altitude
  • 11:00am - Louisiana-Lafayette @ Oklahoma State - FS Midwest, most other FSNs
  • 11:00am - Bethune-Cookman @ Miami (FL) - ESPN3
  • 11:30am - Connecticut @ Maryland - SportsNet New York
  • 11:30am - Presbyterian @ Vanderbilt - CSN Bay Area, CSS
  • 02:00pm - Furman @ Clemson - NESN Plus, FS South, FS Florida, CSN Mid-Atlantic
  • 02:00pm - Tennessee Tech @ Oregon - Pac12
  • 02:30pm - Alabama @ Arkansas - CBS
  • 02:30pm - North Carolina @ Louisville - ABC*
  • 02:30pm - Virginia @ Georgia Tech - ESPNU
  • 02:30pm - Navy @ Penn State - ESPN2*
  • 02:30pm - Massachusetts @ Michigan - BTN
  • 02:30pm - Northern Iowa @ Iowa - BTNa
  • 02:30pm - Boston College @ Northwestern - BTNb
  • 02:30pm - East Carolina @ Southern Miss - CBS Sports
  • 02:30pm - Rhode Island @ Villanova - CSN New England, CSN California
  • 02:30pm - Texas A&M @ Southern Methodist - FS Midwest, most other FSNs
  • 02:30pm - Liberty @ Montana - Altitide, MASN
  • 02:30pm - Morgan State @ Akron - ESPN3
  • 03:00pm - Portland State @ Washington - FX
  • 03:00pm - Miami (OH) @ Boise State - NBC Sports
  • 03:00pm - Florida International @ Central Florida - CSN Bay Area, CSS
  • 03:30pm - James Madison @ West Virginia - Root Sports Pittsburgh
  • 05:00pm - Florida @ Tennessee - ESPN
  • 05:00pm - South Alabama @ North Carolina State - ESPN3
  • 06:00pm - New Mexico @ Texas Tech - Fox College Sports (626 DirecTV)
  • 06:00pm - Sam Houston State @ Baylor - Fox College Sports (613 or 620; not in guide)
  • 06:00pm - Delaware State @ Cincinnati - ESPN3
  • 06:00pm - North Carolina Central @ Duke - ESPN3
  • 06:00pm - Rice @ Louisiana Tech - ESPN3
  • 06:00pm - Mississippi State @ Troy - ESPN3
  • 06:00pm - North Texas @ Kansas State - most FSNs, but apparently NOT FS Midwest?
  • 06:00pm - Western Kentucky @ Kentucky - ESPN2
  • 06:00pm - Arizona State @ Missouri - ESPNU
  • 06:00pm - Alabama-Birmingham @ South Carolina - FS South, Sun Sports
  • 06:30pm - Southern California @ Stanford - FOX
  • 07:00pm - Notre Dame @ Michigan State - ABC
  • 07:00pm - Utah State @ Wisconsin - BTN
  • 07:00pm - Ball State @ Indiana - BTNa
  • 07:00pm - Colorado @ Fresno State - CBS Sports
  • 07:00pm - Colorado State @ San Jose State - ESPN3
  • 07:00pm - Western Illinois @ Iowa State - Cyclones.tv only
  • 07:45pm - Texas @ Mississippi - ESPN
  • 09:00pm - Brigham Young @ Utah - ESPNU
  • 09:00pm - Howard @ Norfolk State - ESPN2 (tape delay)
  • 09:30pm - South Carolina State @ Arizona - Pac12
  • 09:30pm - Houston @ UCLA - Pac12
  • 10:00pm - Baldwin-Wallace @ John Carroll - SportsTime Ohio (tape delay)
  • 11:00pm - Lamar @ Hawai'i - Root Sports Rocky Mountain
  • 11:00pm - Fort Lewis @ Northern Arizona - FS Arizona

* -UNC/Louisville will be on ABC in most of the country except for Big Ten territory, the Northeast, the Mid-Atlantic, Alaska, Hawai'i, and Mobile, Alabama, where it will be on ESPN2. Navy/Penn State will be on ESPN2 except in those areas, where it will be on ABC. Neither game will be on ABC in most of Montana, as I presume the Stephen F. Austin-Montana State game will air there on local affiliates; UNC/Louisville will air on ESPN2 there.

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