The National, 4/23/12: Hoop A Matter Appropriately.

Doc Holliday "released a matter observant a module", which means exactly what you think it means. Probably. I think.

It was a very slow weekend, despite another raft of spring games. We'll get right to it in this necessarily brief edition of The National.

BREAKING: There's a 4pm presser at Virginia Tech, which may or may not involve an announcement that Seth Greenberg is being replaced.

BREAKING: San Diego State reportedly in talks with the MWC to "reserve" a space in Mount USA, apparently out of concern that the Big East thing isn't going to work out. Which should only be a serious concern if the Big East were poised to lose more members...

BREAKING: The Razorback Foundation has reportedly approved a new contract for the next Arkansas football coach. We just don't know who it is yet. More below.

These Are Crimes Which Must Be Stamped Out: These are heinous acts which continue to plague our great nation; acts which simply cannot be condoned under any circumstances and which must be punished in the most severe manner imaginable. I refer, of course, to the crimes of "unfinished conduct" and "journey on foot", which according to this pile of gibberish are among the charges faced by four Marshall football players after a weekend of, apparently, deciding to take a walk and failing to reach their destination. Thankfully, Marshall coach Doc Holliday is "wakeful of a conditions and still entertainment facts".

Near as I can deduce, the actual charges include three counts of disorderly conduct, three counts of interfering with a police officer, one count of assaulting a police officer, and one count of attempted flight.

(I don't know whether that site is deliberately run back and forth through a translator or what, but the entire site is mangled like that. Funny stuff.)

I Can't Wait For the Next Family Gathering: More and more, it was looking like one of the top candidates for the Arkansas job is Paul Petrino, who wants us all to know he loves his brother very much, and still can't wait for the chance to snag his now-vacated position. Really, watching this one play out dovetails very nicely with my current TV viewing, as I'm finally getting around to watching the last two seasons of The Sopranos...) However, breaking news indicates the Hogs intend to announce a new permanent head coach this afternoon, and it won't be someone currently on staff. Proper respect must be given to the Hog faithful for their support of the beleaguered program, however; 43,000 fans showed up for their spring game.

The Charles, Denied: The NCAA has denied the hardship waiver application of former Oklahoma and now Chickenhawk receiver Justin McCay, so -- pending appeal -- he'll have to sit out the 2012 season. Not exactly sure what hardship the young man is claiming here, unless perhaps it's the hardship of having to play football in Lawrence.

The Best Reason to Avoid Headhunters: They're just one more group able to start leaking information, as noted in this great piece by Bud Withers of the Seattle Times. Best line, from Washington State AD Bill Moos: "I don't need 15 people sitting at the table. Where are the other 14 when I get evaluated on (the performance of) my football coach?" And he's right.

Sanity on the Verge of Prevailing: The playoff express keeps chugging along toward the station, and more and more it appears that the bowl organizers -- the most useless people on earth save only telephone handset sanitizers -- are being left out of the loop. Trust me, that's a good thing.

Dead Man Walking: Chuck Carlton reports that Texas A&M will hire a new athletic director when Bill Byrne's contract expires. Between the lines, I really think this has more to do with Byrne's desire to continue at least trying to patch things up with the Big 12 when everyone else wanted out.

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