The BOTC NCAA Football '12 Online Dynasty inaugural season is about to commence. It is a long Spring and Summer until real football begins again, but hopefully this will provide a pleasant diversion to ease the pain and suffering.
This post will give everyone a preview over who is playing and what teams they have chosen. I will post a Mid-Season Report after Week 8 and a Season Review after all the bowls have been played. I will attempt to keep them as brief and humorous as possible, though I have a reputation for being long-winded and not-funny, so, read at your own risk.
Now, on to the preview!!
Coach: Christopher Powell
Overview: Pre-Season favorite Baylor looks to go undefeated behind the play of their star QB. Baylor was unable to push for the Big 12 title and barely qualified for Bowl play last year, but over-confident new head coach Christopher Powell expects to go undefeated against the computer or destroy his Xbox trying.
"The computer won't win because it knows I have anger issues and will not hesitate to throw it off a bridge if it robs me of a victory due to some BS fumble on a KO return," Coach Powell said.
Early tests against #14 TCU and user-team UCLA should provide a good idea of how well Baylor will perform this season. If Coach Powell can pass those tests, he faces Kansas State in Manhattan. Will he have the gall to defeat his beloved alma mater? Most likely, since he is kind of an ass.
Prediction: 11-1 after 6 restarts against the computer and a horrendous 5 interception loss at UCLA. National Championship appearance if there are no other undefeated major conference teams.
Coach: New Coach
Overview: Much maligned user MeatGeek left Arkansas State reeling right before the season by abandoning them for a minimally better program at Troy. For some unbeknownst reason, Arkansas State has elected to retain Head Coach Ron Prince after MeatGeek's departure. MeatGeek, unable to lure the Dark Prince away from the prestigious Red Wolves program, has opted to hire new head coach New Coach. With no past history, it is unclear if he can recruit or win games, but it certainly is the kind of "Bold and Daring" move you would expect from a Ron Prince disciple.
"We will play anybody, anywhere," proclaimed Coach Coach, "provided that they have a history of losing and agree to play in our stadium."
Troy opted to satisfy their sweet tooth with a cupcake-loaded schedule that rates a NCAA worst F rating. There is no question that they should sweep all their computer games, but how will they fare against the user-team Southern Miss in Week 3? Lose that game and they are likely out of any chance at a National Title, though with this kind of schedule they may not have a chance even with an undefeated season.
Prediction: 11-1 with an amazing victory over Southern Miss followed by an epic meltdown in the very next game. They will be blown out in their bowl game.
Coach: Dan Stout
Overview: Speaking of insane, UCLA hired former debate coach turned football coach Daniel Stout. When Coach Stout was asked why he took the job he responded, "I had to trade the corn fed fatties and wheat fields of Kansas for the Sun, Surfing and Stringed Bikinis of Southern California."
After a hearty round of laughter, Coach Stouts went on about what to expect from his teams, "You can expect me to be like good ol' Bobby Petrino, win lots of football games and screw lots of hot women. You know what I'm talking about Susan". Susan, the sports corespondent for the San Diego newspaper, could be seen nodding in agreement. The athletic director, shaking his head in disappointment, then abruptly ended the press conference after only two questions.
While Stout may not have given us much information, we know that his offensive coordinator is someone who runs a run first offense. When the running game is not working, his offense tends to sputter. The offensive coordinator was once quoted as saying "that forward pass thing is the worst invention for the game of football". The Defensive coordinator comes from the small D-III school University of Wisconsin Oshkosh where he had a reputation for running a 4-2-5 defense. Nothing else can really be said about this hire except that not even winning can cure the amount of ineptitude that is embedded in the athletic department of UCLA and we shouldn't expect much winning at all this season.
Prediction: 9-3 after a grind-it-out win over Baylor followed by a scandal that leaves the team without a coach for three games, all of which are losses. Coach leaves before bowl game to coach another team, only notifying the players a day before the game with a sticky note on the locker room wall. With no coaching to hold them back UCLA crushes their bowl opponent.
Player: Jeremy Sharp
Team: Fresno State
Coach: Tyrion Lannister
Overview: After artfully rooting out the mole, Grand Maester Pycelle, Tyrion Lannister accepts Fresno State's offer to be their next head coach. At the press conference to announce his hiring, Fresno State's athletic director said "we really felt that someone with Tyrion's wit and deception is just what we need to take the Bulldog's to the next level of competition."
Tyrion has been dabbling in the NCAA football series since before the turn of the century, but would certainly not consider himself an expert. Seeing as Tyrion is a halfman, and is not able to see over a bent over offensive line, let alone throw over one, his offensive scheme of choice is very run heavy. Defensively, he prefers to run a 4-3 base defense, but nobody should be fooled by this, we're talking about a midget here, so how much defense can you really expect to see?
Tyrion hopes to ride his workhorse running back Mayfield to many victories this season. When asked who could be a standout at wide receiver this season, Tyrion responded with "wide receiver?, I'm not sure I understand what you mean?"
Prediction: 11-1 after crucial victories over Georgia and San Diego State, fueled by horrific injuries to the star players for both teams conveniently right before game time. However, just when an undefeated season is assured, the return of Tyrion's father throws off his game planning for a week and he loses the season finale. A monster upset win in the bowl game gets him back on track.
Team: San Diego State
Coach: Richie Martell
Overview: New Head Coach Richie Martell looks to make some noise in the Mountain West this season as he takes over the San Diego State Aztecs. With high caliber play from the QB position expected, look for the Aztecs to dominate the air in their quest for NCAA glory.
"I expect to come in here and dominate time of possession," Coach Martell said. "I want to have more shots on goal than the other team, and I want to pressure them every time they cross midfield. Finally, I want to fix the field. It is no surprise to me that we haven't been wining in the past when we don't even have any goals set up."
It is still not entirely clear if Coach Martell was being humorous. A local construction company claims to have orders for tearing down goal posts and replacing them with netted goals, but would not release the name of the local university that commissioned them. Regardless, SDSU has enough talent to expect decent success this year.
Prediction: 11-1 after losing to Fresno State on a penalty kick. They play Argentina in their
World Cup Qualifier bowl game.
Team: Southern Miss
Coach: Tallahassee Doubletap
Overview: Hailing from the deep south, new Southern Miss Head Coach Doubletap started his press conference by kicking a Puerto Rican off the team for not having a green card.
"I am committed to border security," Coach Doubletap seemed to say through a heavy slur. "This is a notice that everyone needs to have all their papers in order."
The Southern Miss president immediately reinstated the player in question and submitted a public apology with the player's name spelled incorrectly. Two grad assistants were fired.
Prediction: 11-1 after a non-competitive loss to Troy where the band taunted the team with racial slurs the entirety of the contest.