This is all Walmart's fault

This was literally the worst K-State game experience I've ever had to suffer through. I was working late, so I was forced to listen to the KSU-WVU game on the radio. That in and of itself is not so bad, but the fact that I was out and about meant that I was going to be forced to miss some critical game time.

I finish up with work and head home with Stan and Wyatt. My wife asks me to pick up some snacks for her class tomorrow on the way home: tortilla chips, cookies and 150 mini candy canes. No big deal. I decide to go to Walmart because it is the most convenient. I pull into the parking lot and find a spot really close to the doors with about 5 minutes to go in regulation, so I stay in my car to finish the game out. The Cats, despite being up by 3, manage to somehow let the other team get off a 3 point shot with little time remaining (I assume this involved major Wildcat derpitude, but I can’t really tell, since I’m listening on the radio) and it goes to overtime.

No problem, I bide my time and wait out the overtime in my car. We get down by three and I think to myself, "damn, that’s probably game right there, not sure we can match that." But we do, and that sends the game into 2nd overtime.

At this point it is 10:30 and I still haven’t picked up my wife’s groceries. So, I decide that I can run in and grab everything fast enough and only miss the first half of the 2nd overtime (admittedly, in hindsight, this is a horrible decision). I literally sprint into the store, grab one of those baskets, and head straight for the cookies. I grab some cookies, and conveniently there is a stand with holiday tortilla chips right next to them. Perfect, this is going to be a breeze.

Now ask yourself this. It is Christmas time, where would you expect to find mini candy canes in a Walmart? I assume they would be in the Christmas section, so I hightail it over to the other side of the store. Some slow-ass bitches do everything they can to get in my way and slow me down while chatting mindlessly to each other. Fuck them. There is no Christmas candy over here, unless you count boxes of Russell Stover chocolates (admittedly, in hindsight, this is also a horrible decision). WTF, Walmart?

So, kicking myself in the ass, I re-hightail it back over to the other side of the store to the candy aisle. I walk up and down the aisle twice, and I cannot find any mini candy canes.


I am literally pacing back and forth, talking out loud to myself, "Are you fucking kidding me? They don’t have any mini candy canes? It’s not that unreasonable to expect Walmart to have some fucking mini candy canes."

I am quickly losing it. I hardly ever cuss out loud. Not that I have a problem with it or anything, but I just don’t do it unless I’m playing Madden or NCAA (All I want is for you to catch the fucking pass you piece of shit! You’re wide the fuck open!). I grab the nearest Walmart associate and kindly ask them if they have any mini candy canes. "I don’t know, did you already check this aisle (motioning to the aisle that I am standing in)?"

"Yes. Twice."

"Sorry, man, that’s the only thing I can think of, you might want to check the other store." Fuck this Jayhawk idiot. I have no idea if he is actually a Jayhawk fan, but it seems a reasonable assumption.

Frantically, I decide that my only recourse is to grab 14 boxes of 12 normal sized candy canes (I have no idea what the candy canes are for, so this may end up being yet another horrible decision). Of course, in my haste, I decided not to grab a shopping cart, because I was expecting at the most 2 bags of mini candy canes.

Moving as quickly as possible while balancing the teetering tower of candy canes I find a register that only has one person in front of me and they are scanning his last item. Score! I still have a chance!

You know what happens here.

Some stupid computer error when scanning said item that takes a minute to fix. Then, to add insult to injury, I also happen to be behind the Guinness World Record holder for Slowest Man Alive. Fuck him.

My turn finally comes up, and while she’s scanning my items I run and grab cart so that I will not be slowed down. I pay for everything with no problems and hustle out to my car. I open the door, put the keys in the ignition, and start the radio.

Stan’s voice comes on, "The Cat’s lose a heart breaker tonight here at Intrust Bank Arena to Bob Huggins and the West Virginia Mountaineers."


Fuck you Walmart and the cheap foreign child labor you built your economic empire on.

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