FanPost

HATE WEEK: David Allan Coe on Mizzou's Departure.

Well, it was all we could do to keep from cryin’
Texas done made it useless to remain
You don’t have to call us Missouri, darlin’
Just promise you’ll let ol’ Verne call our games

You don’t have to call us Auburn Tigers
And you don’t have to call us Crimson Tide
And you don’t have to call us Tennessee anymore
Even though they were kinda on our side

We’ll hang around as long as you will let us
We don’t even mind losing that Ole Miss game
You don’t have to call us Missouri, darlin
Just promise you’ll let ol’ Verne call our games

Well, we’ve seem our upskirt pictures a few times in your phone
And we’ve seen it on jumbotrons where we’ve played
But the only time we’ll hear
“Mizzou won the SEC this year”
Is when Jesus has his final judgement day

We’ll hang around as long as you will let us
Even though we lost that Vanderbilt game
You don’t have to call us Missouri, darlin
Just promise you’ll let ol’ Verne call our games

Well, a friend of ours named Steve Goodman wrote part of that song
And he told us it was the perfect SEC football song
We wrote him back a letter and we told him it was NOT the perfect SEC football song
Because he hadn’t said anything at all about grass
Or Les Miles
Or bad officiating
Or strippers
Or Bear Bryant
Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song
And he sent it to us
And after reading it
We realized that our friend had still not written the perfect
SEC football song
But we said “fuck it” and recorded it anyway
The last verse goes like this here:

Well, we was ranked the day Les Miles showed up to play us
And he ate that phony Field Turf in the rain
But the strippers distracted our offense with a minute left to go
That damned Bear Bryant somehow moved the chains

And we’ll hang around as long as you will let us
We never mind losing those Kentucky games
No, you don’t have to call us Missouri, darlin
Just promise you’ll let ol’ Verne
We wonder why you won’t let ol’ Verne
You never let Verne Lundquist call our games



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