Adventures of the Big 12: Twelve Angry Men
by Panjandrum on Jun 7, 2010 10:12 PM CDT
in Adventures of the Big 12 Series
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Behind closed doors at the Big 12's annual meetings, the boys got together to hash out the topics of the day. You know...important things like where we're going to hold the Women's Basketball tournament for the next three years.
Just kidding. Only Baylor cares about that.
Anyway, everyone knows that's not what was on everyone's mind. And, thankfully, through the power of 'multiple sources', we have a strong report of what happened when the gang got together in Kansas City this week.
Enjoy. It may be the last time this current group gets together for their usual shenanigans.
Texas: I call this meeting to order. Today's agenda topic: Who stays and who goes. I'm looking for a quick vote. Obviously, I like bossing all of you around, so I'm in. Oklahoma?
Oklahoma: Hell, I'll stay. Do you really think I want to join the SEC or Pac-10? I still go into shell shock when a woman asks me if I have a Trojan on me, or if I walk past a store in the mall that sells 'Crocs'.
Oklahoma State: In, yo. I'm afraid if I take this game to LA, I may get shot.
Colorado: Staying. Unless the Pac-10 offers, and then I'll leave so fast there will be burn marks in the carpet. But they don't want me without you guys, so I'm probably still stuck with you assholes.
Missouri: Anyone know where the nearest U-Haul place is?
Texas: Jesus, can you be more obvious?
Missouri: What? Do you think I like being irrelevant? Do you think I like hoarding championships in fucking Softball? And it's not even the cool softball where you drink and wear inappropriate t-shirts that say things like "Balls Going Deep". It's the lesbian kind of softball where half of the cars in the parking lot are pink Cadillacs, and the chicks that show up wear visors and Birkenstocks.
Kansas State: I'm not really into PC, but there's a lot wrong with what you just said...
Missouri: You know what? I don't care. I'm going to go the Big Ten, wipe my ass with piles of TV money, and spend my winters buried in lake effects snow.
Texas: Wiping your ass with money is awesome.
Missouri: So, yeah, I'm out. Fuck you, fuck you, (points at Kansas) and double fuck you.
Kansas: Well, that wasn't nice.
Texas: Alright, order...ORDER! Kansas State, what are you doing?
Kansas State: Are you kidding me? Do you think I want to join the Mountain West? In. A thousand times in.
Kansas: (Whispers to his attorney...) My lawyer says that it would be in my best interest to stay.
Kansas State: Your lawyer?
Kansas: At this point, I have the FBI and IRS so far up my ass that they've set up a branch office in my colon. So, I'm taking him wherever I go.
Kansas' Lawyer: No more questions.
Texas: What an embarrassment. Tech?
Texas Tech: In. I go where you go my liege.
Baylor: God spoke with me last night, and he said that I should form a conference with other like religious institutions supported by the Almighty himself. However, he said I had to fire Scott Drew because he's an Eddie Haskell-style prick of the highest order, and I said, "No." I like being good at basketball now. Also, those Oral Roberts kids creep me out. They're like a cult.
Iowa State: I will do anything to stay in this conference. Anything. I am not above handing out sexual favors, and I don't care who asks for it.
Texas: So if I ask you to have sex with a dirty hobo, you'll do it?
Iowa State: Absolutely. You can even tape it if you'd like. That would be a hundred times better than joining the MAC.
Texas: Alright, we'll put that on the agenda for tonight after dinner and drinks at Tomfooleries. Nebraska, what say you?
Nebraska: I am 100% committed to exploring all of my options.
Texas: Huh?
Nebraska: I am fully invested in this conference unless something better comes along.
Oklahoma: How does sitting on that fence feel?
Nebraska: It kind of chafes.
Texas: And, finally, I'm afraid to ask. A&M?
Texas A&M: I want to join the sex conference.
(Texas puts his face in his palms...)
Texas: Do you mean the SEC conference?
Texas A&M: Yeah, I want to join the sex conference.
Oklahoma: I think we should let him go.
Texas: We can't. The state legislature says he can't go anywhere without me.
(Texas A&M puts his mouth over the microphone in front of him on the table and tries to swallow it...)
Texas: Alright, so we've got ten stays, one go, and one guy who can't seem to figure out what he wants to do. Nebraska, what can we do to get you off of the fence?
Nebraska: Nothing really. Joining the Big Ten is appealing. I mean, it's like a time warp. Neither of us have really been relevant since the late 90's, so it will be kind of comforting to be amongst like-minded people. Michigan called me and invited me over for a 90210 and Melrose Place marathon.
Oklahoma: That's really sad.
Nebraska: Look, I want to be with other people who think time stopped after the late 90's. Do you know how much being me sucks right now? I haven't won a conference championship in ELEVEN years. Hell, even Kansas State over there has won a conference title since I have.
Kansas State: Kicked your ass too.
Nebraska: Fuck off. And my basketball program is an embarrassment. In the Big Ten, Sadler ball will be considered 'up tempo', and my waning baseball program will be one of the southern most schools, so I'll have a leg up there.
Texas: Everything you just said there makes me sad.
Nebraska: You're sad? The only reason I'm not sad is because my entire state has been on Prozac since Tom Osborne retired. Do you really think we like Pelini? The guy wears sweatshirts on the sideline. SWEATSHIRTS. The guys in the navy blue polo shirts at Wal-Mart that greet me when I walk in look and act more professional than he does.
Oklahoma: Have you considered therapy?
Iowa State: I know a guy...
Dan Beebe: Hey, guys, what's up?
Texas: Dan, go back to your computer, keep playing Minesweeper, and we'll call you when we're done.
Beebe: Sure thing, boss.
Texas Tech: That was kind of harsh, don't you think?
Texas: He should be thankful he still has a job. We used a cardboard cutout of him a few weeks ago at a function with a tape player attached to its back looping random, non-committal statements, and no one knew it wasn't him until Baylor tried to hand him a plate of barbecued chicken and it dropped to the floor.
Texas A&M: I ate that chicken.
Oklahoma: Of course you did.
Texas A&M: It tasked like chicken.
Kansas State: I just...nevermind.
Iowa State: You guys will take him with you and not me?
Texas: He brings more televisions than you do.
Iowa State: But he's retarded!
Texas: He's not retarded; he's just misunderstood. He hasn't always been this way.
Iowa State: He's pissing himself again. Am I misunderstanding that?
(Texas A&M smiles as the warm urine runs down his leg...)
Texas: (Looks at A&M...) Look, I can't defend you forever. At some point, you're going to need to snap out of this.
Texas Tech: I've always wondered what goes on inside his head.
(Texas A&M stares at the wall...)
(Dan Beebe lets out a shriek at his computer...)
Texas: Dan, don't worry. We all hit the mine from time to time.
Beebe: No, that's not it. The Pac-10 is going to offer six of you.
Kansas: Thank God! Screw you assholes!
Beebe: They don't want you.
Missouri: HA HA.
Kansas State: Suck it.
Beebe: They don't want you either.
Kansas State: Well, duh.
Texas Tech: Who do they want?
Beebe: Texas, A&M, Tech, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Colorado.
Colorado: Oh happy daaaaaaayyyyyy!
Texas Tech: Thank you sire!
Oklahoma: I'm going to get sick...yep, here it comes.
(Oklahoma vomits...)
Oklahoma State: Shit. I'm gonna get shot.
Texas: Calm down, guys. We all want to stick around, right? Well, let's not jump the gun here. If we're all in this together, we'll stay. Nebraska, you in?
Nebraska: I'm firmly set on exploring all of my options.
Texas: Goddamnit. Make up your damn mind. Missouri?
Missouri: Kiss my ass.
Texas: Do either of you even have an offer from the Big Ten?
Missouri: It's just a technicality. I'll get one. Eventually.
Oklahoma: You sure you want to take that bet?
Missouri: I'd rather shoot for the moon than hang out with you assholes.
Texas: Alright, fuck it. Enjoy Conference USA.
Colorado: Wait, we're not going to the Pac-10?
Texas: Not if we don't have to.
Colorado: Jesus Christ. I finally, through sheer dumb luck, get a shot at getting what I want, and you assholes start cock-blocking me. Screw all of you, I'm out of here.
Beebe: Wait, the Pac-10 said that they may take Baylor instead of you.
Colorado: SON OF A BITCH!!!
Texas: Alright, Colorado's back in. Nebraska, Missouri...it's on you now. You have until Friday to figure this out.
Nebraska: I will stay if you can promise me that the Big 12 Championship will be played in Kansas City at least every other year.
Texas: Let's not get unreasonable now.
Nebraska: Unreasonable? UNREASONABLE??? You take all of the money, get all of the good TV spots, and now you're getting the title game in the Jerrydome every year. And I'm being unreasonable?
Kansas State: You did kind of vote for the unequal revenue sharing when you were, you know, good at football. Ten years ago.
Oklahoma: Actually, it's been eleven years since they won the Big 12.
Kansas State: I stand corrected. You were good at football eleven years ago.
Nebraska: And you assholes wonder why I want to leave.
Texas: Calm down everyone. Tempers are starting to get in the way of reason. Let's just handle this calmly. Nebraska and Missouri, you have until next Friday to decide if you want to stay with us. If you don't, half of us will go to the Pac-10.
Colorado: It's like a nightmare, but I'm still awake...
Kansas: I literally did not see this coming.
Kansas State: So where do the rest of us go?
Texas: Well, I can put in a good word for you with the Mountain West or Big East.
Iowa State: What about me?
Texas: Have you ever considered trade school?
Kansas: You mean to tell me that my storied basketball program is going to slum in the Mountain West?
Oklahoma: Sorry, dude, but this is about football. And, to be honest, no one is going to party with a dude that's under Federal investigation.
Kansas: Point taken. It's Kansas State's fault.
Kansas State: What the?
Texas: Kansas, you really are an asshole. Everyone said you were, but I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. But, yeah, you really do suck.
Kansas State: THANK YOU!!!
Missouri: Ha ha!
Beebe: If anyone needs me, I'm going to head to the shitter.
Texas A&M: Me too. I'm going to the shitter for some head.
(Everyone stares blankly at A&M...)
Texas: I think we're done here. Everyone, we've got a week to figure this out. Go to your corners, make your calls, and we'll hash this out later. Nebraska and Missouri, the ball is in your court.
To be continued???
124 comments
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Aaargh...I watched the entire video of A&M's inner thoughts!!!
BTW, awesome work.
Hail to the Purple, Hail to the White
Wildcat in spirit, Wildcat in fight
Hail Alma Mater from sea to sea
Onward forever, Hail Victory!
Ditto...
At the video’s conclusion, I know how A&M felt in the meeting (Adventures of the Big 12 style)…
--VegasCat07
Awesome...
Colorado: Jesus Christ. I finally, through sheer dumb luck, get a shot at getting what I want, and you assholes start cock-blocking me.
1 million times over. Awesome.
by WillieWannabe on Jun 7, 2010 10:56 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Without reading any of this yet,
I’ve been wondering when this would be posted.
Glad I came, just wish I hadn't stayed so long.
People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball...Rock Chalk Talk
I have a kid now. These things happen when they happen.
Bring on the Cats
"Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a video tape of risque commercials from overseas." -- Jack Donaghy
Fair enough...minus calling us assholes
but it’s probably fair at this point.
Glad I came, just wish I hadn't stayed so long.
People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball...Rock Chalk Talk
I was harsh on everyone, as I usually am.
Bring on the Cats
"Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a video tape of risque commercials from overseas." -- Jack Donaghy
I suppose we better start looking out for each other
…..because we could be partners in getting fucked over.
Could be?
Glad I came, just wish I hadn't stayed so long.
People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball...Rock Chalk Talk
I laughed so hard
that I actually teared up a bit. Pan, good as always. I think all the presidents should read this, show them how real people view this clusterf**k.
And I think a lot of people don’t realize, especially in the Mizzou camp, that the you have to apply to join the Big 10. They can encourage you to apply, but at the end of the day you still have to apply and their board of directors has to approve it. Missouri is all dead set to leave, and this process could take a year or two, and in the mean time they just piss everyone off. Way to burn bridges guys. Plus, If I’m the Big 10, I’m worried that Missouri may be too eager to join, that maybe they aren’t a good fit afterall. But thats just my opinion.
by jtarkman on Jun 8, 2010 12:30 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
You seem to be implying that the lady who says "I'll be your prom date!"
well before asked might have a few caution signs.
Glad I came, just wish I hadn't stayed so long.
People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball...Rock Chalk Talk
We need to get proactive and invite a couple schools
first we should just kick Missouri out and then invite someone otoreplace them.
yeah, that would be brilliant
if you haven’t noticed, Missouri is the second largest state in the Big 12 (population-wise) with two Top 30 TV markets.
We only allow fake fighting here.
Bring on the Cats
"Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a video tape of risque commercials from overseas." -- Jack Donaghy
So, what you're saying is that
it would be more intelligent to just wait until Missouri leaves anyway?
/cough
I am now channeling Will McDonald's optimism.
and they are such quality teams
what was I thinking. how could we survive without misery?!! I still think I would rather have TCU or SMU or even St Mary’s Girls School for the Deaf and Dumb. of course then who I hate?!
Well done sir
This and the write up Maize n’ Brew Dave did have been the highlight of the offseason thus far.
http://victorypolka.blogspot.com/
Who knew A&M
knew what a blumpkin was?
Outstanding. Red’d.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
Clearly...
… you haven’t met the unstoppable force that is Ehren Earleywine.
And it’s not even the cool softball where you drink and wear inappropriate t-shirts that say things like “Balls Going Deep”.
Description of Beebe is dead on.
We used a cardboard cutout of him a few weeks ago at a function with a tape player attached to its back looping random, non-committal statements, and no one knew it wasn’t him until Baylor tried to hand him a plate of barbecued chicken and it dropped to the floor.
Bravo.
I need to call IT for a new keyboard . . .
Really great stuff. Thanks for the laugh.
Absolutely brilliant.
Well done!
- .... .- - .----. ... / .-- .... .- - / ... .... . / ... .- .. -..
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Jun 8, 2010 10:54 AM CDT reply actions
Very funny
Its nice to see a humorous take on a subject that for all Jayhawks and Wildcats is scaring the bleep out of us.
I think some Michigan people did one as well in the light of a lunch table conversation that was also pretty funny.
The Beebe and minesweeper part was my favorite. Mostly because its likely not far off from what that ass clown actually does
Shit happens when you win championships
by Andrew Clark on Jun 8, 2010 11:53 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Well played
+1
Maize n Brew
Because Football is Better with Beer
by Maize n Brew Dave on Jun 8, 2010 12:01 PM CDT reply actions
I've been writing this series for nearly a couple of years now. So, hopefully you don't think I was ripping you off.
Bring on the Cats
"Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a video tape of risque commercials from overseas." -- Jack Donaghy
Not at all.
Two different stories altogether. I thought this was great.
Maize n Brew
Because Football is Better with Beer
by Maize n Brew Dave on Jun 8, 2010 2:27 PM CDT up reply actions
VERY Funny!!!
This was one of the funniest things that I have read in a long time. Great job!!!!
HILARIOUS!!!
I love these sketches….
The fact that this is so close to being reality makes it a little painful, though.
If youre being so realistic, you left out the part where Kansas offers to perform fellatio on Nebraska and Mizzou….
ESPN Story Link
Kansas chancellor Bernadette Gray-Little urged her Nebraska counterpart Monday to remain in the Big 12 and help avoid a potential calamity for the Jayhawks.
The Lyle Leong Bandwagon will Continue to Roll!!!
Respect Everyone....Fear No One!
Wreck 'em, Tech!
by Tortilla Pirate on Jun 8, 2010 12:37 PM CDT reply actions
(that's not a k-state guy - that's a tech guy)
Surgeon General's Warning: K-State-Mizzou basketball may increase the risk of high blood pressure. Please consult your doctor prior to watching any of these games.
We at TxTech
know that it is the best interest of MOST Big12 teams the our conference stay together.
The Lyle Leong Bandwagon will Continue to Roll!!!
Respect Everyone....Fear No One!
Wreck 'em, Tech!
by Tortilla Pirate on Jun 8, 2010 3:59 PM CDT up reply actions
Fantastic again!!
Well done……
My aggie co-worker is NOT amused and that makes my day.
" Answers --Become Resources."
Without Questions, There are limited Resources...
Obviously not a regular here
But this was one of the most awesome posts I’ve seen on any of the fanblogs. Kudos!
That video is disturbing
on so many levels. But it is worth the price of admission. Joined and rec’d.
That video is hilarious at 1AM
I about lost it when the first bear was run over. I had tears streaming down my face.
First Post on SB Nation
I signed up for an account just to internet high five you for this brilliant little piece of satire (or is it realism?)! Well written, salient and hilarious. LOVE IT.
Just effin' brilliant, PJ.
Although I do think M&B got you on ISU’s portrayal. ;)
I am now channeling Will McDonald's optimism.
Excellent Read!
Well played out. The saga continues….
"You've got to find your inner pirate" - Mike Leach
Yup, the BigXI haven't been relavant since the 90s...
…and yet y’all are the ones finding new places to live.
Mmmmmmmmm. Sweet irrelavance.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jun 8, 2010 4:40 PM CDT reply actions
Nobody is finding a new place for anything
just yet. It just seems to appear to us on the outside, us with few to no hard facts to support actual conference realignment as a reality yet, that ‘conference armageddon’ is the only possible result of this summer. I think it stems from usual human behavior believing the worst outcome/result is the most likely.
Of course, pretty much anything is possible. But as of yet, not a single team has been invited to change conference membership nor has any conference been plundered with > 50% (or even one) team getting taken away. As always, time will tell… … …
Also, I like where I’m living just fine thank you. :-)
--VegasCat07
Yeah, sorry...
…wasn’t trying to be a jerk. It was just a joke (the only relavant remark I could make since the rest of this doesn’t apply to my school). No hard feelings, it just seemed like y’all were joking about it, so I thought I’d join in, but in retrospect it may not have come across that way.
My condolences to the bereaved.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jun 10, 2010 10:57 AM CDT up reply actions
you suck
i like how you blast every one besides yourelf.
here you go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln1PQRtn_F4
You appear to be...
…just about the only one who doesn’t like it. I’ll steal a line from UT: Poor Aggy.
We'll carry the banner high!
Bring On The Cats
by TB on Jun 8, 2010 8:43 PM CDT up reply actions
I actually did blast us.
You know what’s kind of funny…everyone took it on the chin except for A&M fans. Even KU and NU fans, who really took it in this one, all laughed at it.
You guys take yourselves WAAAAAAY too seriously.
Bring on the Cats
"Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a video tape of risque commercials from overseas." -- Jack Donaghy
It is weird...
why other Aggies can’t seem to find humor of parodies of themselves. I kind of view it as all these jokes being directed at a parallel A&M, specifically designed to soak all the stereotype images, and enjoy the humor that way.
…and that pretty much sums up why everyone but Aggies hate the Aggies. They are the most self-important alumni base this side of Notre Dame. Probably even more so.
UT has championships to back a lot of it up...
aTm… not so much.
At least that is where I think Tech92 and Pan and TB etc were heading with it.
--VegasCat07
How about some highlights from last years game?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP6FsUhI50g&feature=related
Typical aggy can’t take a joke.
by RedRaiderNate on Jun 8, 2010 9:39 PM CDT up reply actions
OHHHHHHHH....SCOREBOARD!!!
Gotta love Red Raiders. I feel a kinship with your people.
Bring on the Cats
"Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a video tape of risque commercials from overseas." -- Jack Donaghy
I have a hard time with feeling kinship with a raider...
Those bastards win everything in livestock and meats judging b/c they spend more than us, but this earns the raiders props.
And on the 3rd year he rose again...
Funny you should mention...
Due to lack of replay at the time…you never clearly see Parker break the plane as he is drug down around the 2. And since you brought it up how about we enjoy this little gem.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP6FsUhI50g
That's hilarious
But why are we afraid we’re going to get shot? Are we cunsidered gangsta thugs? If so, that’s probably an upgrade from 10 years ago.
It's just a part of the personality Pan came up with for OSU
Mimicking Pickens a bit, throwing around money a bit, and yes acting like a gangsta.
You can check out the others here. I suggest you start from the beginning to get a better feeling.
Surgeon General's Warning: K-State-Mizzou basketball may increase the risk of high blood pressure. Please consult your doctor prior to watching any of these games.
But white....
with a kangol hat on…
Surgeon General's Warning: K-State-Mizzou basketball may increase the risk of high blood pressure. Please consult your doctor prior to watching any of these games.
Just noticed this link on Corn Nation
and had to comment on what a fantastic job you did. You really hammered NU, but not really anymore then anyone else….very well done!
Well, one 12 year old though PJ was mean (see robbyrob above)
But that is okay. He’s one person pissing into a hurricane of appreciation.
Great Job!
Not many people can poke your team in the eye and get you to belly laugh about it at the same time!
Spot On
Excellent. I passed on to all the UT and ATM coworkers.
UT is in a no lose situation, they know it, and are acting like it. Nebraska and Missouri are now in a game of liar’s poker with UT.
The other nine of us don’t have enough TV sets to even ante up.
ATM is delusional in believing 50,000 TV sets in east Texas and some trailer parks around Houston are a big lure for the SEC. The only way they’ll get there is riding the bus that UT is driving. A forced double date for the SEC where UT gets to bring its ugly sister.
I already have an idea if this thing goes down.
Bring on the Cats
"Without getting into specifics, my exit involves a McFlurry machine and a video tape of risque commercials from overseas." -- Jack Donaghy
As of today, wouldn't Judas basically have to be the Nubbs?
I mean, they’re firing the first actual shot Friday, apparently.
Ugly Sister? & Maize and Brew
No, but that is great too. I got the link to 12 Angry Men from another site today and haven’t seen any of this before.
Caution here comes a rant/vent:
So I have to just get this off my chest. If I see another pundit article claiming that Kansas State brings nothing to the table and that KU’s proximity to KC somehow positions itself better for expansion (paraphrasing here) I am going to scream. Whether is Ubben at ESPN or Winn at SI it seems the media are totally inept at fact checking.
So here are a few facts. K-State is 4th in all time winning percentage in football in the Big 12 behind only (Texas, OU, Nebraska). They are the only team in the Big XII with a winning record against Texas (only Big 12 contests factored) from all the stats I have consulted. So despite all the blabber about football prowess it appears that expansion/realingment has more to do with greed and politics and less to do with actual results.
I have read plenty of comments regarding TV sets and the dollars they bring. News flash we do not live in the 1970’s we don’t broadcast solely over the air. If you have cable=, satellite, an internet connection and/or enough money you can get the game in Dubai let alone the United States. Somehow the perception in many articles I have read is that KU owns the KC market and Nebraska has a large following. Well here is a dirty little secret that no one is willing to admit. The KC market is predominately divided into equal camps MU, KU and K-State. Yes KSU has a large alumni base in KC that everyone seems to want to ignore. Also there may well be many a displaced NU alum outside of Nebraska but I would argue that K-State can equally make this claim. Not only are former Kansas residents who are K-State alums located around the country but also there are plenty of military families who went to K-State while at Ft. Riley who are all over the world. (Hell Nebraska raves about this same fact of its worldwide alum in one of their own TV advertisements).
Another point to make is that KU and K-State are a an outstanding one-two punch in basketball. Not many states can make such a claim. Duke and UNC come to mind but one is private. As Winn pointed out today in his column at SI, basketball appears to be the big loser in this fiasco. Admittedly I do not have the numbers for basketball and the Big 12 but I think that I can say without crunching the numbers that KU has been the best in the Big 12 with KSU in the top 5. The outlook for both schools in the next decade would indicate that they will be a NATIONAL factor in the NCAA. I make this point because I read another blog article that actually said that KSU had a small fanbase in a small town and had only regional influence(?). As if to say that playing in two BCS games against Syracuse and Ohio State had no significance. I mean I could remind the writers of the behind the shed Cotton Bowl game against Tennessee or the 2 straight wins over USC or any number of apparently regional(?) games that we had no influence.
So once again I ask the Big 10 to consider asking KU and K-State to also join their conference. If ND doesn’t want to join then ask ISU I’m sure they would love the opportunity. By doing so you only bring the third and fourth ranked football teams from the Big 12 and three of the top 5 basketball programs (KU, KSU and MU) under your umbrella. The results speak for themselves and I guarantee that a K-State match-up with Michigan in football would be much more entertaining than Northwestern vs. Illinois. A KU-Indiana match-up in basketball is light years more eye popping than watching Iowa play Penn State.
If realignment is really about building the best conference than let us get behind the results and not the politics.
I would tentatively disagree about KSU basketball
being top 5 in Big XII conf victories. We went a LONG time with a losing record season in season out.
I wouldn’t hold my breath for KU/KSU to go to the Big 10. With all the jabberring about how great NU and/or MU would be for the Big 10 it still is taking this kind of even to get that done.
Also, doesn’t the Big 10/11 pride itself a bit on academics and following the rules and then being successful? I’m pretty sure the last decade-ish of KU sanctions and NCAA investigations is not what they like to see. Perhaps what holds the Big 10 back from wanting KU/KSU is all the things about KU/KSU? As sad as that might be. I’m not so sure the Big 10 is where KSU ‘belongs’ anyways…
--VegasCat07
I love Google...
KSU is 6th all-time in the Big 12. Our conference record is abysmal which was a bit shocking as we stand at 10th. We are 25th in all-time NCAA tourney appearances (only Indiana(6th), Illinois(13th) and Michigan State(23rd) are better in the Big 10.
As I stated in another thread I see no reason that a school could not be admitted under a probationary period until they met the AAU standard. Where there is a will there is a way.
As for the football argument the stats do not lie. We are the 4th best team in the conference regarding Big 12 victories.
I agree...
Where there is a will there is a way – meaning in this case there is no will. :-|
--VegasCat07
Well, there is a bright spot in all of this
Ubben may be out of a job soon, right?
I am now channeling Will McDonald's optimism.
I rec'd this and laughed my ass off - seriously harder than I have in a long time.
I don’t believe Big Ten expansion should be a “package” deal. Every candidate should stand on their own merits. So I seriously have to question what K-State would bring to the Big Ten.
Academically – K-State is a Tier III school according to US News (rankings which the University Presidents abhor). Not on the CMUP (Center for Measuring University Performance) list of Top American Research Universities – Public (Nebraska, KU and Missouri all are as well as ranked 1st tier by USNWR).
K-State is not a member of the AAU (KU, NU and UM are).
K-State’s endowment is approximately 1/4 the size of Iowa’s. Iowa ranks last in the B10 in endowment (Kansas, Nebraska and Missouri are roughly similar in size to Iowa).
Athletically – K-State has won 7 Big XII conference championships and 0 (zero) National championships. For their recent success in basketball, they last appeared in the Final Four in 1964. For all their recent success in football during the first Bill Snyder era, prior to that point they were historically (statistically) the worst football program in NCAA Div IA.
As a Big Ten alum – I think NU is the best fit (68 Big XII conference championships – 18 NCAA titles) for us. This is a football driven expansion but NU is clearly the best choice culturally, academically and based on proximity to the existing schools in the conference.
I really enjoyed this post. I mean no disrespect to KSU’s honor, traditions or in anyway to disparage a fine institution. I merely do not believe that Kansas State University has the academic or athletic credentials to be a serious candidate for admission to the Big Ten.
As an aside...
Other than a 35-28 loss to OSU and a 3 pt loss to Purdue. I believe K-State has defeated every Big 10 opponent they have faced in the last 15-20 years. And please don’t get me started as to whether KSU could compete against Northwestern, Indiana, Illinois, Minnesota, Purdue in football. The basketball program can stand on its own against anyone right now including Sparty.
As I have stated in many posts we know KSU is not in the AAU and the last I checked it was a Tier II school. Nonetheless the Board of Regents has made it a priority to have KSU become a Tier I school. You combine this with some of the top programs in Agriculture, Vet Med, Architecture and Engineering and you have the nucleus of a contributing member. Not to mention the $650 million Bio Defense Facility being constructed at K-State.
The real point was that if the Big Ten wanted to expand to 16 teams and have competitive football and basketball games then by adding NU, KU, KSU, MU and possibly ISU it would have 5 ready made teams with historical rivalries that would add to the glamor of the Big 10 conference. Geographically it also makes a lot of sense. I would argue from an athletic standpoint even more so than Rutgers or Pitt.
It wasn't personal and it still isn't.
We’re not completely sure that the conference wants to expand to sixteen. Twelve, sure. Fourteen, maybe. Sixteen, no one knows. The Big Ten would like to make a splash and Penn State would like to have some local rivals (they bring a lot to the conference), so I believe those in power (who also would like to get more “east coast” access) will attempt to accommodate them. Nebraska, Notre Dame and three eastern schools (Pitt, Cuse, Rutgers) would serve this purpose.
There is no such ranking according to USNWR as “Tier II”. Schools are ranked until they fail to meet USNWR criteria for Tier I then they are lumped into Tier III and listed alphabetically. K-State is listed in Tier III, and we have no idea how close (based on USNWR presentation) it is to making the cut into Tier I. As things stand right now, KSU is more equivalent academically to Western Michigan University than it is to any other current Big Ten school. That may and probably will change, but as things stand right now KSU really isn’t close to any other Big Ten school academically.
Athletically – I wasn’t able to verify your statement about K-State’s success (with the exception of the bowl appearances against OSU and PU) against the Big Ten in football as your 2009 media guide isn’t available at the athletic website, I can get parts to be sure, just not the one I need. Knowing Bill Snyder’s history and propensity when it comes to out of conference scheduling, I can’t imagine KSU has played many Big Ten teams over the past 15-20 years during the regular season.
As far as the teams you mentioned…Indiana is a doormat in football, neither they nor Minnesota has won a Big Ten Title in over 40 years. I can not point fingers as we (MSU) have our own well documented shortcomings but those schools you mention are historically (at least since 1950) the bottom feeders in the conference.
K-State hasn’t won a conference championship in basketball since 1977. It appears that you are on an upswing, but still have only made 2 NCAA appearances since 2001.
Again, please understand, nothing personal, but I do not believe that anyone in the Big Ten (fan, alum or employee) considers K-State a viable or realistic candidate for membership. I know that I do not.
For the sake of accuracy
02 JAN 2004: OSU 35, KSU 28
26 AUG 2000: KSU 27, Iowa 7
29 DEC 1998: PU 37, KSU 34
24 SEP 1994: KSU 35, Minnesota 0
18 SEP 1993: KSU 30, Minnesota 25
That’s the entire list of KSU/Big 10 games since the beginning of the Snyder era.
I am now channeling Will McDonald's optimism.
Not to pick nits, but K-State is not a Tier III school as USN&WR does not rank Tier III schools. In 2009, K-State was ranked by USN&WR at 130. Nothing to toot a horn about, but still better than OK-State and Texas Tech.
http://espn.go.com/blog/big12/post/_/id/238/the-big-12-ranked-in-academic-terms
Well, I'm not sure who to actually believe.
An ESPN article or the actual USNWR website’s searchable database:
If the ESPN report is correct it goes a long to showing why administrators dislike the USNWR rankings.
How does a school receive a federal grant to build a $300M facility, reduce its acceptance rate from 95% to 84%, yet fall from the bottom of the rankings to effectively off the charts? Such a precipitous drop seem rather capricious and arbitrary.
I did not suggest in my earlier post that USNWR “ranked” Tier III schools. I noted that USNWR ranks schools in Tier I. All schools which fail to meet the criteria for Tier I are considered Tier III and listed (not “ranked”) alphabetically. According to the USNWR website KSU is a Tier III school.
Funny you post this
I was on USNWR and looked and found the second link myself (Tier III… what happened to Tier II?) and now there is the ESPN link. WTF?
I really dislike these rankings because as you noted, how capricious they are. It is simply ludicrous. Especially when so many of the departments in the University are so highly ranked (Architecture, interior design, Vet Med, Grain Science) and I know my own baby (engineering) is in the top 100. How can the rest of the university be looked down on so much? I bet it is because of location.
Funniest ost I have read in a long time.
Baseball makes the world go 'round, or at least in my world it does.
1 time on here
great great all time great
okay i have cerebral palsy arthris and chronic fatigue as well i have a great life and loveing folks some days are better than other days i got a make-a-wish in 2001 and saw my favorite team the broncos it was the trip of a lifetime i wish everyone couild have gotten to enjoy that with me i know some of u hate the broncos and that okay but i bleed organ and bule for my mnr fans but i bleed orange and blue denver will rise again resident broncos fan for every blog resident broncos for stampede bule thanks shvd98z24 real name jeremy woodard nettleton high class of 02 yes i am a raider
So does this mean Texas is Henry Fonda?
Because Henry Fonda has always felt Oklahoman to me. And Jimmy Stewart for some reason always reminds me of Missouri.
this is pretty awesome
not as awesome as Ron Prince, but pretty awesome nonetheless
If the reports i just saw/heard on ESPN.com
are correct, NU is gone and the six to Pac-10 is a “go”… I hope the buy-out is HUGE HUGE because the 4 or 5 being left beind should not vote (need 9 of 12?) to dissolve which would avoid the penalties…
--VegasCat07
The Ralphie Report mentioned something along the lines of $10mil.
but I didn’t see any sources.
Surgeon General's Warning: K-State-Mizzou basketball may increase the risk of high blood pressure. Please consult your doctor prior to watching any of these games.
this is by far one of the funniest posts i have ever read!
It breaks my heart as a Kansas native to see the break-up of the Big 8 + 4. Years of tradition thrown out the window for money.
fader nation is a conquered nation
Jerry Jones is Al Davis with a smile!
CHICAGO...Where Quaterbacks' careers go to die!
One of the best posts, on any blog, ever.
Just wanted to thank you for it.
"Hush now, let it go now. I know it's time to go. Time to let this fall from my hands" VNV Nation, "From My Hands"
by Stuck in the Plains on Jun 10, 2010 8:28 PM CDT reply actions
KSU sucks!
Face it KSU is boring to watch……that’s why there will be no invitation given to KSU to join a power conference.
Whatever helps you sleep at night. Keep sucking on Texas's teat.
Also, thanks for joining. :-)
by WillieWannabe on Jun 13, 2010 12:25 PM CDT up reply actions
And the Saddest Part is....
From All of us at OSU, (students, that is) we realize that our university is a dirty money grubbing whore. At least, the administration is! Better news is we get to use our Major League Quarterback on you all for at least one more year! :D
Epic
Finally got around to reading this. Great stuff. Thanks!
And yes, I watched the entire video. That was epic too, but in a different way.
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