Well, the heartless bastard in me heard his sniffling press conference, and in a rare moment of muse-inspired creativity, I penned the following lyrics on the fly.
So, with apologies to Buddy Holly, Don McLean and Weird Al Yankovic, follow the jump for an ode in honor of the man who pronounces his name in a Belgian fashion.
Disclaimer: It's a joke, Jayhawks. Just chuckle and take it in stride.
Bye, bye, to that Zah-vee-ay guy.
Joined the NBA on Wednesday,
Just a one-and-done guy.
The Jayhawks are pissed,
And now they're letting it fly.
Saying, "Now that he's gone,
I won't cry!"
'Cause X was there the day that they died,
The day the KU title hopes died.
That's when Farokhmanesh said, "Hi!"
Billy Self brought him in,
Said, "He's such a team guy."
His brother came, too,
For free on the Yanks' dime.
CJ's prob'ly gone,
And X is a rich guy.
But they were there the day that they died,
The day that KU's title hopes died.
Pool their money together,
Save Lew from the FBI.
And Self'll stutter and stammer,
"Uh, I'll try and I'll try."
"And next year, just maybe,
I will beat UNI."
Which was guilty on the day that they died,
The day that KU's title dreams died.
Now Doron Lamb and Josh Selby,
And of course, Brandon Knight.
Will all commit in a month,
Make KU at least No. 5.
Then we'll rinse and repeat,
And again they will cry.
That will be the day that it dies,
The day that KU's dynasty dies.
After the Hawks choke again,
Against St. Joe's or Lehigh.
And the one-and-dones bail,
Leaving Self high and dry.
As oh-eight fades away,
And the Miracles sigh.
Xavier, they will say,
Always will symbolize.
The moment in time,
When it all went awry.
The day that KU's championship died.
Point plankn, ain't no seats,
And Morningstar's DUI.
Push footballers down the stairs,
Shoot ladies in the eye.
Cheer up, Xavier,
Now please don't you cry.
At least in elevators,
You didn't grope thighs.
In the years before the day that they died,
The day KU's pride and joy died.
The sense of entitlement,
Is strong at Lawrence High.
Ever since we first heard about,
The great campus fight.
Until illegal ticket sales,
First came into light.
Yes, twenty-ten was when the title hopes died.
"Xavier was why the title dreams died,"
To themselves, the little Jayhawks did lie.
Now Frank Martin gives 'em tremors at night!
Xavier Henry: Final verdict?
Untapped talent whose departure will hurt KU next season. (91 votes)
Overrated primadonna team cancer. (54 votes)
145 total votes